Previous Entry Share Next Entry
I am What I am
Own Path, Diverse, Gay, Diversity, Love
littlecrush1981
Today was the first day of internship class for my technical last semester at Ivy Tech, the college does a weird thing where they graduate you in Spring if your last class is in the summer thus I have graduated but yeah weird school. My internship is actually with Ivy Tech. I realized that one area of interest that I have currently is learning more about the political side of college itself. Not from the student perspective so much but from the inside perspective of an individual that is there on a daily basis working within the machine itself. Luckily my adviser found herself needing a "secretary" like person because there were not enough finances to keep up with the work-study person that she previously had. This opened up for me to step in to do an unpaid internship, which is ok for me at this point. I will be helping with scheduling and things of that nature, but it will give me a huge chance to actually see the machine that is college. I really appreciate the opportunity to see what I am going to see, but the one thing that I have to remember during all this is that I can't talk about everything that I will see because confidentiality will be vital since I will be hearing about numerous situations that students find themselves in. While I will want to vent I realize that it isn't always appropriate. That will be a change for me since I am someone that usually is comfortable speaking on anything that they know. As we grow though I guess we change in various ways.

Which brings me to my second point. As I am changing I am realizing more and more about my own inner self. For a long time I have allowed other people to define what I say and do. I don't know why I have done this. I have felt like I always have to follow what others want instead of saying heck this is what I want to do. Some of it is such simple stuff like recently realizing that I had no longer had the drive to read comic books in the same fashion that I once had. I had allowed myself to continue reading them simply because I didn't want to upset my current comic book shop dealer. I wanted to keep him having business even though I wasn't reading about 90% of what I was purchasing. This is just one example of a way that I let others define what I say and do in life. Another one is for a long time I let a friend, that is no longer a friend, define what I would say and do with my publishing of my comic book. I would try to talk to them about it and get approval. This friend is the main reason that I haven't gotten the book done. This individual every time I would come up with an idea I would be told back that they had the same exact idea or because I wanted to publish a mini-series one day that that meant they got a mini-series of the same issue amount and that I would be paying for it. I barely could pay for my own for goodness sake. It drove down my spirits and I let it go on for far too long honestly. Now I realize I allowed the individual to have too much say in what I do with my life and my own goals. If I am going to have goals for my life they have to be my own. I have to do them for myself. I can ask friends sometimes for their opinion on matters, but I have to learn to let them just be that. THEIR OPINION. If I want to do something in my life I have to do it. I need to stop questioning everything at every turn and just do it. I need to realize that everything I do at this point needs to get me towards whatever it is I want to do in my future. It is time to allow me to be me. If I don't want to buy that comic book then I won't. If I don't want to publish someone's fifty comic book megaseries (okay this never happened but you know what I am getting at) I won't. If I want to walk to school in the rain I will. If I want to just be home alone for a day I will. It is time to listen to the voices inside of me and allow them to be heard instead of stifled.

Giving people too much control has only kept me back and it is time for me to sing and this is my song. All my gays better know it:

I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook
Or the ovation
It's my world
That I want to have a little pride
My world
And it's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a dam
Till I can say
I am what I am

I am what I am
I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it's noise I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not see things from a different angle
Your life is a shame
Till you can shout out I am what I am


I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am I am I am good
I am I am I am strong
I am I am I am worthy
I am I am I belong

I am

I am

Who whoooo etc.
I am

I am I am I am useful
I am I am I am true
I am I am somebody
I am as good as you

Yes I am

?

Log in